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the odd papillon
25 March 2009 @ 07:01 pm
(This seems like a weird timing to blog, considering I have quite a few projects on my plate. But I guess I'm quite moved by what my friend had to say...) 

After going down to Pick and Bite to get a cup of coffee, I was prepared to finish up editing the rest of my case-study for Entre Mgmt. Then, project groupmate Clarissa, who had been staring at my face for the past 5 seconds, blurted, "I think you look nicer in short hair. You have a very slender jawline, so having short hair won't make you look masculine." 

I asked, "But how short?" 

She showed me a picture of her friend, who also had a slender jawline. Reminded me of Yule. 

Now, I had my fair share of 'discrimination' when I sported really short hair. God knows how many times I walked into the toilet and the ladies thought I was a guy who had accidentally walked into the wrong room. It didn't help that when I decided to cut my hair ultra short in my first year in university, I chose to attach a string of hair for added punk factor. The extension only lasted for a month. (I took it out because I couldn't stand it any longer.) 

While I tried to refute that the short hair might not work for me, considering how curly and unruly my hair really was, she said that it was possible for me to have short hair without potentially making myself look like an Asian 'afro', as long as the hair stylist was able to layer my hair strategically. 

Anyway, Clarissa went on to say that I shouldn't be hiding my features, that I should tuck my hair behind my ears to accentuate my jawline, and how I can pull back my fringe to show off my hairline (which she gasped, "Wow, your hairline is damn nice la!") She also recommended that I get framed spectacles (which had a slight v-shape in the centre, more suitable for Asians) so that my eyes won't look so bogged down, especially with my heavy fringe.

Hmm, short hair for me? 

Let me think about it. 

*Clar, if you happen to ever chance upon this entry, do forgive me if I didn't paraphrase your words properly.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
the odd papillon
21 February 2008 @ 02:02 am

marketing for an event has always been difficult. marketing for an arts event is even harder. and marketing for a chinese orchestra concert is probably (almost) harder than anything else.

i don't know whether i've tried hard enough to sell this particular concert. i realised that maybe it wasn't so hard to sell the esplanade concert, though i didn't do much for the december one. 

response for the upcoming 24 feb concert is not so good, at least for my side. usual 'customers' can't attend due to various reasons, and also because it's the start of the mid-term break. especially for faculty members, who usually fly around during this period...

not sure if it's heaven that took pity on me, but the dive trip got postponed. so, my dear darling can actually attend the concert now. [i guess that, deep down, he would have wanted to go for the concert as well... but between the dive trip and this, he had to make a choice. and i don't blame him for it.] 

anyway, here's a sales tally: 
family - 6 tickets [$15]
family (noel) - 6 tickets [$15], 1 ticket [$22] (must thank darling for paying for all those tickets!)
professors - 2 tickets [$11], 1 ticket [$22] 
friends - 1 ticket (wei yuet) [$11], 2 tickets (debra + louis) [$16] 
total: 19 tickets

Still pending a few tickets from various sources. Hopefully I can increase the sales... >.< although i'm having quite a bit of cashflow problems now. sigh. 

well, in spite of all this, i'm pretty calm about not-so-good sales. though it is worrying, cos the number of tickets sold are only around 42%, and I think a good turnout should be at least 75% or above. this means that we really have to sell MORE tickets! to hit 75%, we'll need to at least 292 more tickets!
sigh. i've grown not to be overly disillusioned with the strong cultural concert apathy here...  

Current Mood: bitchybitchy
the odd papillon
11 November 2007 @ 03:47 pm

"wocoom wocoom wocoom..."

"moocow moocow moocow..." 

will the insane ever become sane again? or are they permanently condemned?

Current Mood: crazycrazy
the odd papillon
22 August 2007 @ 08:30 pm

sitting in a cold library
don't know what's going on anymore
staring at an excessively bright screen
feeling all too insecure

that monstrous creature can't wait to suck away every inch of my soul
temptation brings me closer towards him
and i almost reach out to give in
but i stop in my tracks
not sure where to go
not sure what to do
not sure if this is the life i want to end

is it better to continue living in this state, or to end it all? 

i suppose, i just like to torture myself. 

i don't love life all that much. perhaps it's just the experience of pain that keeps me going.

the odd papillon
21 June 2007 @ 06:40 pm

finally dug out my old poem from CT class. (copied over from the old blog...) 

somehow it all comes back to me. why i chose to be in arts. why i keep going back to arts. and somehow my current position now is just a mere diversion from my true vocation.

Tulips in the Sky 

I dreamt I was a tulip in the sky.

Mists serpentine, entwined.

These globes of Dreams, scattered everywhere;

These fragments of Thoughts, crushed in the air.

I saw other tulips by the side,

Barely a foot apart.

When I tried to talk to them again,

They looked away, with much disdain.

Then Someone blows one tulip up, and

Lets it float away.

But just before it could reach the top,

It is brought down, alas, with a shot.

The serpent, at once, sees its chance.

Poor tulip crumpled,

Beneath the sand and dust. It cries

Aloud, for the Sun to come – and dies.

These eyes beckon me to free myself, from this misery.

I try to run, but it can’t be done. For all eternity,

I will have to stay on the cloudy plain,

With no one to sing to me.

The Sun, in all its stately splendour, could not

Spare a moment mourning.

It comes and goes with averted face

And on swift wings, without a trace.

I wish that someone could blow me too, and

Make me fly from here.

Yet, even if the journey is made,

The tulip, fragile as it is, will break.  

the odd papillon
02 June 2007 @ 03:33 pm
sometimes, fatigue overwhelms your existence. you feel its entire weight on your body, and the monster sits itself comfortably, not wanting to relent in torturing you. 

you struggle to breathe and collapse onto life's stage in the middle of a performance. 

the audience is shocked, momentarily. then as the paramedics lift that cold lifeless body off the stage, they resume watching life's play, entertaining themselves as they always have. 

you are merely a puppet in the master's hands. 

the author is going through a tough time trying to juggle all her commitments. she is contemplating taking anti-depressants to stabilise her condition but supposes that it'd be difficult to procure them since a) she needs a prescription from the doctor and b) her boyfriend will probably object to it. 

nevertheless, she is thankful that she has someone to share her problems with.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
the odd papillon
18 May 2007 @ 08:57 am

This is what Wikipedia has to say about my 'drug' addiction:

"Caffeine tolerance develops very quickly, especially among heavy coffee drinkers. (That's me.) Complete tolerance to sleep disruption effects of caffeine develops after consuming 400 mg of caffeine 3 times a day for 7 days. Complete tolerance to subjective effects of caffeine was observed to develop after consuming 300 mg 3 times per day for 18 days, and possibly even earlier. Partial tolerance to caffeine has been observed in all other areas, studies with mice indicate that after a long period of caffeine exposure the learning benefits of caffeine observed earlier cannot be found to any significant level. Considering that 80% to 90% of American adults consume caffeine daily, and their mean daily caffeine intake exceeds 200 mg/day, it can be surmised that a large fraction of the U.S. adult population is completely tolerant to most of the effects of caffeine.

Because adenosine, in part, serves to regulate blood pressure by causing vasodilation, the increased effects of adenosine due to caffeine withdrawal cause the blood vessels of the head to dilate, leading to an excess of blood in the head and causing a headache and nausea (oh, no wonder I get all these headaches and feel like puking allt the time...). Reduced catecholamine activity may cause feelings of fatigue and drowsiness. A reduction in serotonin levels when caffeine use is stopped can cause anxiety, irritability, inability to concentrate and diminished motivation to initiate or to complete daily tasks; in extreme cases it may cause mild depression. (Scary. Hmm, sounds like I've been through all this.) Together, these effects have come to be known as a "crash".

Withdrawal symptoms—possibly including headache, irritability, an inability to concentrate, and stomach aches—may appear within 12 to 24 hours after discontinuation of caffeine intake, peak at roughly 48 hours, and usually last from one to five days, (oh god, that's even worse than binge drinking?) representing the time required for the number of adenosine receptors in the brain to revert to "normal" levels, uninfluenced by caffeine consumption. Caffeine causes excess release of stomach acids during ingestion. When in withdrawal the stomach acid levels decrease substantially and can cause some stomach aches in certain people. (Actually, it happens mainly when I drink coffee, NOT when I don't drink...) The aches normally last between 24–48 hours and can be confused with constipation. Analgesics, such as aspirin, can relieve the pain symptoms, as can a small dose of caffeine. Most effective is a combination of both an analgesic and a small amount of caffeine."

Current Mood: sleepysleepy
the odd papillon
16 May 2007 @ 02:48 pm
this is becoming a masochistic ritual. 

every day, i down two cups of coffee. halfway through the first cup, the laxative effect kicks in but the first trip to the toilet doesn't do the trick, and i have to make a second trip in the morning. 

after lunch, the second cup prevents me from falling asleep. then, if the palpitations hasn't kicked in since the first coffee, the second coffee is bound to invite them. 

and of course, being somewhat allergic to caffeine, every sip of coffee / tea makes me want to throw up every now and then. 

with the watery eyes, the repetitive motion when you're barfing, and the sniffling, i think i can pass off as a drug addict anytime. (well, caffeine is a drug too, y'know?)
Current Location: wasting time in the office
Current Mood: sicksick
the odd papillon
15 May 2007 @ 03:04 pm
three more hours to go before the end of the day.

the frantic tapping of keyboards. 
the mouse swirling on the table. 
the silence which echoes after the laughter from lunch hour has dissipated. 
the murmuring over the phone and the occasional introduction about what the company does (marketing research, of course)

i miss the smileys and :X in his messages. 
i miss the enthusiasm in his voice. 
i miss his sense of willingness to share and help. 
i miss his lack of pretentiousness. 

i don't think i've missed anyone this much since sooji.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
the odd papillon
14 May 2007 @ 11:38 am

this is an extremely bad habit, but i think that this is the last resort when it comes to staying awake in the office. i don't know why i find it so hard to concentrate. well, the task that i'm working on at hand is not all that interesting (honestly, i think i don't really like doing research) and i'd rather work on projects with tighter deadlines, since i'm already so used to working under high levels of stress. 

anyway, apart from the fact that i'm suffering from a mid-severe lack of sleep, bordering on the edges of coming down with a cold (yeah, i sneezed a lot today in the office), i'm a little depressed. can't say for sure why i feel like this, but i guess it has something to do with the backlash of rejection and fears of being rejected. for the time being, i'm confident of controlling my emotions, but being strung-up for extended periods of time is not very healthy. i can say that i treat him more like a younger brother (ironically, since he's older than me) but sometimes i'm inclined to feel otherwise. 

i'm not sure how long i can stay focused on how i should feel.

Current Mood: listlesslistless